First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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