started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
