so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
