Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
