evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
We named our party play list daddy issues
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You were trust falling into bushes
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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