You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
