Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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