Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
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