I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
