So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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