my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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