ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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