Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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