____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
