Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize