If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
