I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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