i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
