the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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