A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize