After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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