I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
