When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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