I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize