there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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