I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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