I faked an abortion last night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
