no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
