I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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