If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
She needs sedatives and a leash
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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