the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize