Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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