Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
