Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
