he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
