It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
