I wish I could teleport
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
