How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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