also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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