why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
