Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
