yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
