and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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