I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
