You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
The best revenge is premature balding
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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