Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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