I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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