he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
