found the other keg... it's in the tree
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
