I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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