I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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