I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
