worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
