I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Can I color on your dick again?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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