Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize