man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
