No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
