even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
