you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
