Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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