I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
