So drunk, too bad you don't want this
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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