oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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