We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
