the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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