Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
