Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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