She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
