just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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