you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
