its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
