I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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