Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
