She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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