a search helicopter?!
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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