I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
