I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
