my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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