you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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