your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
