You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
