I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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