So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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