i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
