Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
