KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
porn star boner night. come get it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
