I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
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