My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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