During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
