Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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