do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
