around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
