In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize