So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
