I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
