She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
