fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
