Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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