There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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