K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
