They should really pass out barf bags in church
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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