I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
