You're completely useless in the revolution.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
