So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
