My friends, they love my intelligence
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Randomize
