I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize