we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
