just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
tell me about the fingering
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