and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
