There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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