I'm pants shitting drunk right now
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
