My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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