Tell her she can't have a vagina
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize