I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
