Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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